I've created my Grandfathers (Pops) and Dads Little Monster

Okay, growing up, at times both of my parents worked outside the home to make ends meet and to give my sister and I a more priviledged childhood, with family trips to Disneyland, Hawaii, Washington DC, Calgary Canada, etc. My sister, a.k.a. Sisti-uglar, is 9 years, 5 months, and 9 days older than me. I don't let her forget it too often. She was well into school long before I ever got to go to kindergarten. On occassions when both my Mom and Dad were needed to work in the office, I would sometimes get dropped off at my grandparents home. These were my Mom's parents that we called Mom and Pops. They adored me because I was so cute and imaginative. (No conceit on my part). Pops always had a pocket full of butterscotch life savers. Pops, to say he had a sweet tooth, is a major understatement. I guess that is what made Mom and Pops such sweet people to be around and why all the grandkids wanted to be at their house. At their home I was intoduced to fresh squeezed orange juice with about 8 teaspoons full (heaping full) of sugar. It was very good and Pops made the OJ for Mom (his wife) every morning. On mornings that I would arrive, he would also make the OJ for me too. At their home I was also introduced to Coca-Cola. Still love it. And one of Pops vices, Oreo's. I don't know how many times I ate his complete stash of Oreo cookies, but I know it was a lot. My Dad also loves Oreo's and has taught my two older boys to enjoy and devour the tiny chocolate morsels of ambrosia, with a cream filling that preserves your insides so mummification is not necessary, in a flash. I, to this day still love Oreo's. I think my Mom is right when she says I was raised on Coke and Oreo's. Well, I have had to pass this tradition along to my daughter Sophia. She, at 18 months young, will take a half eaten Oreo from me and pound it down, then come back and get a whole cookie from me and snarf that one as well. When the Oreo's are all gone, she will put on her cute little pouty face for 30 to 45 minutes, until I can get her involved in something else. I try to make her eat something with nutritional value like grapes or strawberries, after the cookies are gone. Some times it works, some times we put on our shoes and head to the grocery store to get some more (for her of course). Needless to say, if we would have invested in Nabisco, as a company, more than that of a consumer, when I was young, I may not still be paying on student loans. But that was not meant to be, so I will continue to pay my student loans and eating Oreo's (much to my wife's discouragement - at 240 lbs, I am not a svelt man), and continue to allow my children to enjoy one of the few childhood memories I am able to share in a safe, or semi safe activity.

It is sad to me that many of the things I enjoyed as a child, my kids will never get to enjoy. Things like Hide n Seek, Kick the Can, Steal the Flag, and No Bears are out Tonight, all played until 10:00 or 11:00 pm. Todays scarey environment with creeps walking the streets make it so you don't trust your kids to be out of your site outdoors for more than a few minutes. In the late spring, summer, and early fall, the parents can take their lawn chairs out to the front yard and keep a better eye on them. It is also better if you are in a neighborhood that has a number of kids the same age as your kids, the old strength in numbers adage. Creeps are less likely to try something if there are a number of kids around that can identify them, get license plate numbers and the make and model of creeps in cars, etc. I don't know how this blog digressed from eating Oreo's to child safety, but let's just say it is inspired and hopefully it will be of help to someone who reads it. I know I have said, semi-jokingly, that Sophia will be allowed to date once she hits 25 years old and she will have to have her prospective suiter fill out an application, complete with references, and have it approved prior to any dating. I have begun creating the application, but it has a long way to go before she hits 25 and the form is put into use. I still have 23 1/2 years to go before it will be necessary to have it available for use.

My kids are what keep me going. I can't imagine losing one even while shopping at WalMart for 5 minutes. My head is filled with the fear of something like Adam Walsh happening and I could not bear it. The loss of a child has to be the hardest thing a parent would ever have to deal with. Sure there are times when we get on each others nerves and need a break from each other, but that happenes in separate rooms, not by them going outside.

Okay, back to the Oreo's. I think all three of my kids would be happy with a birthday present of either Oreo's or the extra creamy goodness of Double Stuff Oreo's. I have done extensive research (eating) on the benefits of eating anything chocolate, and it is nearly impossible to frown or be sad when chocolate is in your mouth. My research has extended to the observation of my kids and wife. Whenever they are upset or grumpy, I try to force feed a little chocolate and that seems to make things much better. When I was a child, and I would get an ouwey, my Mom would give me a small sandwich baggie with about an 1/8 of a cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips (she called them chocolate bumps for my bumps and bruises). They always made me feel better and I would share this recipe for healing with my friends growing up. One time a friend got into a fight with his brother at his house and after he got beat up, he came to my house for some chocolate bumps. I also recall one time I got into a fight with a friend and slugged him in the stomach and immediately I felt horrible. I ran home and got some chocolate bumps for him and took them to him to apologize. It took a few minutes, but by the end of the day we were good friends again.

So if you have a little one that is hurting from falling while learning to walk, or ride a bike, I highly recommend chocolate bumps to make it all better. Wishing you all health and happiness and a little chocolate to make it over the bumps in your life.

Need to get this off of my chest.

OK, it's Tuesday, February 14th, 2012. valentines day... Can we just say this is the most stupid semi-holiday ever invented. It is nothing more than an excuse for Hallmark and American Greetings to create useless cards that say what you should say to your loved ones everyday, a reason for candy companies to jack up prices, along with florists, and then resturants to be overbooked so your 6:30 reservation gets you seated at 8:30, and they are all out of the valentines day special they advertised to get you to make the damn reservation in the first place. It is a day for popular kids at school to have their valentines boxes over stuffed and nerds like me to feel left out. A day for spending money on another useless stuffed animal that you know will end up in a D.I. pile in less than a years time. A day when mom and/or dad to console their child that "I'm sure it was just an accidental oversight that the person they have a crush on didn't send you a valentine."

Needless to say, I have not had great luck with valentines day in the past, and every year that passes, puts me into a deeper depression because it just doesn't live up to its' hype. I just can't wait until I have to console Sophia on the let down of the day. That is why I choose to celebrate unvalentines day. I do not send flowers or chocolates on Feb 14th, I do not buy valentines day cards (especially at $6.00 a pop), I choose to wear black rather than red, and I wish people Happy V.D. Most people think I am wishing them a shorthand version of valentines day, but I am talking about the STD's that they are bound to get from sleeping around on the 14th of February.

I shop around and find a florist that will deliver for a reasonable rate at least a week before the dreaded day. I give chocolates for Christmas, I give cards just for the hell of it throughout the year, and I write my own mushy message instead of a meaningless message written by a complete stranger that is supposed to convey my thoughts and feelings.

So, if you were expecting a greeting from me this, the most meaningless day of days, I'm sorry to disappoint you, look for green beer in your mailbox in about a month, for the 2nd most meaningless holiday on the calendar. And to top it all off, most employers ignore all semi-holidays between New Years Day and Memorial Day, thus forcing those in slave labor to work more than five months without a day off other than weekends, and soemtimes not even weekends are off in February-the middle of May. So if you choose to celebrate valentines, enjoy it knowing you are getting ripped off, and if you agree with me, wait until tomorrow to tell that special someone that your world revolves around them and you can't wait for the next day they have off to spend with you. Begrudgingly greetings from an unsupporter of February 14th. There, now I feel better. Thanks for reading.

Next Phase Begins - Full Throtle

OK, we have made it (for the most part) past the "Oh Shit" phase by replacing the bad word (which I am most certain she learned from her mom), with other words. I know it doesn't have the same satisfaction as the bad word, but it is a frustration she will just have to learn to deal with until she is old enough to make those choices for herself. Let me back up a little bit here...


Sophia is a very bright girl who loves to mimic mom and dad in a number of respects. She especially is proud of her exagerated motions to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and loves to feed herself most of what mom and dad are eating for dinner. She likes trying to use a spork (the spoon with rounded fork tongs) to feed herself as well. She hasn't quite mastered the use of the spork yet, but she gets an "A" for trying very hard. I know, I know, another level of frustration she is dealing with. Anyhow, this next phase began without Margaret nor I really seeing it coming. Sophia will go along merrily eating with her fingers and humming her cute little version of "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" (have you ever noticed that that tune is the same as the "ABC song" and several other toddler tunes), right up to the point where she is full enough to stop eating. At this point she will hurriedly grab any remaining food on her high chair tray and with the speed of an umpire calling a runner safe at home, swing her little arms and letting the food fly. This is followed immediately by an "uh-oh, all done". Fortunately for Margaret and I we have two four legged vacuums that clear most of the spilled food up, nearly before it hits the wall or floor.


I think Blue and Apollo can sense when she is about done eating and position themselves strategically on either side of Sophia in order to get to the food before her mother or I can say a word, and have it lapped up in a jiffy. This behavior, while not unique to our sweet little daughter, is something to see with your own eyes. I swear the entire exchange between grabbing the food, flinging it to the walls and floor, and dogs snarfing it down happens in nano-seconds. We are awestruck with the efficiency of Sophia and the dogs. This is fine and well at home (for the time being), but it is a little less acceptable when she is out to eat at a restruaunt, and pelts neighboring tables with her efficient (and accurate) throwing abilities. She has the cutest little smile at the end of the exchange that it makes it hard to discipline her with out cracking a smile yourself, no matter how mortified you are that she just landed a chip with salsa on the back of former Mayor of Salt Lake City, Ted Wilson's $1,000 suit. OK, she didn't really hit his suit, but can come very close when given the opportunity. And in public places we don't have the dogs to help devour the evidence.


So the word "uh-oh" has replaced "oh shit", at least for the time being, because that is the first thing out of mom and dads mouth when she launches the remaining food from her launch pad. And I know servers all along the Wasatch Front are hoping we never darken the thresholds of the establishments they are working in, at least until the spork is mastered and the thrashing of arms has been contained. Most servers, I have to give props to for being generally good natured about it as Margaret and I are helping them (or them helping us) to clean up the mess. We have been very fortunate in not having to explain too much the to servers, and they seem to take it pretty well in-stride. I am sure Sophia isn't the first toddler to relocate food in an eating establishment and will not be the last.


But now it has gotten to the point where anytime she is doing something she KNOWS she should not be doing, it is proceeded with an "uh-oh" rather than followed by one. The biggest uh-oh came for mommy and daddy a week ago when Grandma LaNan was up to our home to see the cute little munchkin, and we had not put the champagne flutes out of her reach. We turned our backs for no more than 3 seconds and she raced from the living room, across to the dining room, picked up one of the flutes (now located beyond her reach), shouted "Uh-oh!" and threw the flute on to the wood floor. Margaret, her mother and I raced into the dining room, I immediately picked up Sophia, and Margaret and her mother went into overdrive and had the shattered flute picked up and put in the garbage nearly as fast as the dogs clean up after Sophia is through eating. I tell ya, we have to be very careful about EVERYTHING now. I thought we had baby proofed everything, but it seems like each week she finds a new thing to get into. Love her to bits, but she can sure be a stinker sometimes. Well, it is now 2:00 am, and I will sign off the blog for now. Seems like this is the only time of day I can blog anymore. BTW, the thing on her head is a ladies golfing visor turned upside down and perched like a Pope hat. She does this herself all the time.

BTW: Here is a link to a Daddy Daycare Support / Play group if anyof you are interested in joining.

http://www.raisingthem.com/groups/view/100622/Stay_At_Home_Dads/